tonic Tuesday: "want to"

Tonic: anything invigorating physically, mentally, or morally. Something that lifts the spirits or makes somebody feel better generally.

Something new: tonic Tuesday.

This is my medicine.

I am currently reading Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. It is a wonderful book, given to me by my mama, about satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food. Food has been a source of struggle for as long as I can remember. When I was in jr. high, I went in for my sports physical and I was told, "Jennifer, you have got to lose weight." I weighed 140. I was a bit chubby and I took it serious. By my freshman year in high school I weighed 128. When I became pregnant with my first baby, at 18, I still weighed 128, but that quickly changed. Baby weight piled on...and piled on. I've been obese since the beginning of my baby days, 21 years ago. My weight has ranged from 185 to 215 for most of these years. I am only 5' 4".

In my mind, I always fall back to the must-weigh-less-than-140, but it has been so far away...an impossible task.

I get sad because I'm fat. I eat. I cry because I eat. I get sad because I'm fat. I eat. I cry because I eat.

The cycle goes on and on.

I've been on one diet or another for most of my 17 year marriage to Faithful Husband. In the past year, I've been able to shed over 40 pounds, yet food is still a source of struggle. I eat in secret...can't let Faithful Husband see my unfaithfulness (yet, my body sees and shows it!). I have a few great days and then a binge day. I still cry because I eat.

I am made for more!

I don't need to find my worth in my jeans size or the numbers on the scale!

I am Jennifer Sheafer...I am "that girl" ~ the girl God created me to be. Yes, I am!

The introduction in the book, Made to Crave, is called Finding Your "Want To" and I have found it! I want my soul to be free from the bondage of food and numbers. Do you? Join me in this journey. Each week, I will post a new tonic Tuesday, working through all the chapters of this book. It is blessing me and I know it will bless you, too. May I suggest that you purchase the book for yourself? Mine is like a journal...the pages are written all over, sentences are underlined, paragraphs are in brackets. Lysa TerKeurst, thank you for sharing your journey. God, help me to share mine and find healing in my sharing.

Here is a powerful segment taken from the intro.

'I am made for more than a vicious cycle of eating, gaining, stressing ~ eating, gaining, stressing...I am made to rise up, do battle with my issues and, using the Lord's strength in me, defeat them ~ spiritually, physically, and mentally.'

It is a battle. I am in the fight. I will defeat this cycle...these issues. God bless you as you find your "want to" and join the fight.

My Bathroom ~ My Worship Center

Last night while finishing up my shower, I was listening to a fabulous new CD that my sister burned for me. The title of the CD is Sunny Day Songs. It is full of music that makes me soul smile, my feet frolic, and turns my heart to truth...God's truth about me.

I prayed.

"God, help me to be the girl you created me to be."

He replied.

"You are that girl."

I am so loved by Him. I know that the simple way I live in Him is exactly right for me, for now, in this season. I will keep on keepin' on...continually being molded and created anew.

Yes. I am that girl.

Thankful.

A look back; 2011. A look ahead; 2012.

My tattoo

July 4, lovin' the corn

A look back; 2011. In March I turned 39 and got an amazing camera. I learned that I love photography. In April I started the HCG diet (affordablehcgdiet.com). In May we celebrated E and his 14th birthday (14th birthdays are THE big one here). By June I had lost almost 50 pounds. Also, in June the kids spent almost two weeks in Kansas. Chris and I had an amazing time...a married couple with no one else to focus on. Crazy fun! We both got tattoos. In July, we had a blast on our deck - CABANA - and enjoyed corn-on-the-cob-on-a-stick. August brought the school year and I realized that I struggle to teach jr. high and high school. I am so thankful for co-op. Our twins turned 13 in October and I took them to the mall for a shopping spree; they also got their ears pierced. November; oldest son turned 21. How can that be?! December; last month. I learned about smashbooks and planned my goals for 2012. Life is a blessed, hard, good, amazing journey. Cheers to 2012!

A look ahead; Smashing 2012. I'm going to work on my new journal, Smashing 2012, throughout the year. I hope to journal the progress of my goals and other memorable happenings. What are my goals, you ask? Here they are: *Make blankets for niece and nephews for their birthdays. *Run four 5Ks. *Update my blogs 2x a month. *Spend more one-on-one time with my kids. *Consistently add to 1,000 Loves list. *Consistently add to 1,000 Gifts list. *Daily hubby love. *Prepare and follow through gardening tomatoes and cucumbers. *Take kids bowling. *Launch My Magpie Nest - my craft business. *Send monthly snail mail. *Attend one, organized birding event. *Grocery shop every two weeks (instead of every two days). * Reach 250 geocache. *Reach 50 munzee. *Hike Roaring River State Park. *Go to church regularly. *Float trip! *Knit John a hat. *Knit myself a shawl. *Paint the kitchen. *Keep bedroom clean. *Plant lots of flowers. *Get family pics taken. *Make wall art for living room. *Quarterly service project. *Compete in the KC Warrior Dash. *Get below 145 pounds and maintain the loss.

If you are wondering why the 'smashing' title for my journal. Check out the following blog. Maybe it will inspire you, too. Note: I made my own smash book. First daughter purchased a 'real' smash book. While I love homemade, I also love the purchased book. I'll post pics of my Smashing 2012 throughout the year. If you smash one, too, please share your pics. :) I'd love to see them.

http://www.smashstoriesblog.com/